Showing posts with label Take a break. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Take a break. Show all posts
Take a break. Read a joke!
On their honeymoon, the new husband told his bride, "I have a confession
to make that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it
might affect our relationship.
"What is it?" his new bride asked lovingly.
"I'm a golf fanatic," he said. "I think about golf constantly. I'll be out on the golf course every weekend, every holiday, and every chance I get. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf, golf will always win."
His new bride pondered this for a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. Now in the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. The truth is, "I'm a hooker."
"No problem," said her husband, "just widen your stance a little, and overlap your grip, and that should clear it right up."
"What is it?" his new bride asked lovingly.
"I'm a golf fanatic," he said. "I think about golf constantly. I'll be out on the golf course every weekend, every holiday, and every chance I get. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf, golf will always win."
His new bride pondered this for a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. Now in the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. The truth is, "I'm a hooker."
"No problem," said her husband, "just widen your stance a little, and overlap your grip, and that should clear it right up."
Obstetrician
After thirty years in practice as an obstetrician, Jack decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love, automobile mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in auto mechanics school, and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and Jack worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. Most of the students completed their exam in 2 hours. Jack, on the other hand, took the entire 4 hours allotted. Jack tossed and turned in bed that night, dreading the next morning when the exam scores would be revealed.
The following day, Jack was delighted and surprised to see a score of 200% for his exam. John spoke to his professor after class. "I never dreamed I could do this well on the exam. But tell me, how did I earn a score of 200%?"
The professor replied, "I gave you 50% for perfectly disassembling the car engine. I awarded another 50% for perfectly reassembling the engine. I gave you an additional 100% for having done all of it through the exhaust."
The following day, Jack was delighted and surprised to see a score of 200% for his exam. John spoke to his professor after class. "I never dreamed I could do this well on the exam. But tell me, how did I earn a score of 200%?"
The professor replied, "I gave you 50% for perfectly disassembling the car engine. I awarded another 50% for perfectly reassembling the engine. I gave you an additional 100% for having done all of it through the exhaust."
That killed him!
What are the uses of defibrillator besides defibrillation!? This one is real funny!
God shall provide
Old Mrs. Hurley said her prayers every day. She awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out her window, she saw that the water was still rising. Two men passing by in a rowboat invited her to get on the boat with them. "No, thank you," Mrs. Hurley replied. "The Lord will provide."
The men shrugged and rowed on. By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Hurley to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up.
"Don't trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will provide."
Pretty soon, Mrs. Hurley had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross copter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide." So the boat left, the water rose, and the old woman drowned.
Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demanded to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried.
"For crying out loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats!"
Moral of the Story: Don't pass up opportunities...especially if you are up to your neck in trouble. God has His own ways
The men shrugged and rowed on. By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Hurley to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up.
"Don't trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will provide."
Pretty soon, Mrs. Hurley had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross copter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide." So the boat left, the water rose, and the old woman drowned.
Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demanded to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried.
"For crying out loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats!"
Moral of the Story: Don't pass up opportunities...especially if you are up to your neck in trouble. God has His own ways
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